Gettin’ Down to Writin’ Rotten Posts

facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

To start, let me tell you something. I write because I can. Let me tell you something else. A lot of you can’t. This isn’t a how-to article; it’s a testament of your bullshit; I see it often. I wouldn’t have to write this if it wasn’t for you; so, I’d thank you on my way to sending you to hell.

No apologies for my blunt intro; as John Lydon once offered, “I have no time for lies or fantasy, and neither should you.”

Johnny Rotten

Welcome, Get the Hell Out Now

When you’re young, people stick a writing implement in your hand and tell you to form some pre-established letters. They cheer you for your penmanship but may laugh at your writing behind your back. I do the latter to a lot of you on the regular. Anyone with natural means or prosthetics can physically ‘write.’ It doesn’t mean they should attempt to communicate information through that particular method. Savvy?

You Can't Do That On The Internet

How to be Rotten:

Learn how to write; or, don’t do it professionally…in entirety. Do you have respect for the medium of writing? For many of you, the lack of respect shows.

Do you want to write? Yes? Write like you mean it (that’s either a wake-up call, alerting you that we can tell your writing sucks; or, you’re going to dismiss this and keep doing what you’re doing.) No? Find someone who truly does, which brings us to our next rotten point.

Stick This (True Author) in ‘Your’ Post

You can’t even write for yourself; so, you get someone like me to do it for you; yet, before you publish my work, you scratch out my name and put yours on top. That makes you a fake. More importantly, it’s likely other things about you are too, like your understanding of your industry. Copywriting is a service; you can’t go rent a Porsche and pretend it’s not the dealership’s property; but, you can drive peers and onlookers to respect you for my work?

 
Blame It On The Fake Singing

How to be Rotten:

Fine, you’re not a writer; but, you have something educational, of value, to convey. Did you know content comes in a variety of flavors? Choose from an assortment of videos, podcasts, info-graphics, or even cartoons. Mmm…mmm…’writers,’ feast your minds on other alternatives than plagiarism. What’s worse is your plagiarizing your role as a ‘professional.’

Write Creatively for Christ Sake

You’re probably horrible to hang around, a creative-less chap. ‘Writing’ is a generally accepted term; yet, that’s like saying this:

 
Mine did not do this I promise

…is similar to this:

 
Dutchman FTW

Writing is art. Art is creative. If you think any word or sentiment will do during your capricious attempts to craft ‘something, ‘anything,’ you’re pissing me off. I don’t care if you’re a peer or the Queen, God can’t save you from your lack of creative powers.

How to Be Rotten:

There are respected peers out there who celebrate creativity, those who believe the potential to go viral is there (regardless of niche). The potential is there because marketing requires art; it’s the practice of intriguing, getting attention, ‘making’ people look your way; it’s artful. If you aren’t artful in your writing, in your chosen method of communication, you’re failing your business, failing to align present needs with your offered messages.

Did you know developing creativity is akin to developing muscles? If you train them (creative thoughts) they will come; but, many souls don’t respect the art of writing enough to complement it with creativity. Go ahead and prove me wrong, ‘writer.’

Screw Me, It’s About You

I’m great. I don’t need your endorsement; but, my writing does. It’s for you. I get to enjoy my thoughts around the clock from dawn to bedlam time. You don’t. Therefore, I have no business writing anything to you unless it’s particularly crafted…for you. How many of you write selfishly? How many of you write for rank, for links, for authority, for respect, to please a boss or client, etc? A lot of you write for the wrong reasons. It’s disgustingly obvious and flagrantly stupid, you know, since marketing is the practice of intriguing a target market. Wow, it probably bothers you I can define so succinctly what you do so horribly.

 
This is a shirt, yes?

How to Be Rotten:

So many brands/writers are concerned about ‘recruiting’ consumer information for an eventual sale. Often, marketing implements are mere pawns in the larger scheme of things… That’s shitty logic. Interest and eventual sales are earned. How do you earn a person’s interest and respect? To start, you get to know them. Know customers through:

- Could you conduct a survey on your industry, then offers the data to consumers?

- Could you ask a client to be the subject of a case study?

- Could you assemble the best resources on a topic and host it as an ongoing resource?

- Could you invite questions and then answer them?

If you’re creative, the list goes on….but some of you are not so great at being rotten.

Never Mind the Bollocks

What do you mind? Definitely not my impression of your writing, that’s apparent. Are you down with other people’s poetic? Probably if they’re an ‘influencer,’ right? Never mind the bollocks, the labels; mind good thoughts, which can come from anywhere and any person. Like you know that dude/ette who only has’ X followers, or has never posted on ‘the industry blog’? He/she may be brilliant. They may behold something of value. If you want to provide value you have to know where to consume some valuable pints of information. Don’t give readers the mainstream-labeled points and topics, ones they can find on any industry-related, Web rag; give readers insights they would never mind without your direction.

How to Be Rotten:

Do you know what the Sex Pistols thought of their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Well, there’s no ‘live’ media footage; the members weren’t impressed enough by the mainstream to attend the ceremony, calling the museum a ‘piss stain,’ like the 20th post on the same topic, derived from a generally-accepted perspective.

Impress with fresh perspectives. Where can you find some unturned stones? Find independent thinkers, those who are not influenced only by influencers, their own thoughts/experiences, or generally accepted ‘bollocks.’ All people appreciate unique perspectives; but, not all people can provide them. Sometimes it’s better to go underground to better understand. Don’t do the expected; be rotten. Not because I told you; but, because you want to get to writin’ rotten posts. Now get your face outta my post!

 
Art Underground

 

 
Anthony Pensabene

Byline:

Writing chose Anthony Pensabene; he passionately engages professionally at WebiMax and for the love of the medium and industry at his personal blog, Content Muse. He loves creating and sharing ideas and smiles.

About The Author

Guesticus Arthurish is our flavor of the week.

5 Comments

  1. [...] Gettin' Down to Writin' Rotten Posts : Link Fish Media 1 Upvotes Discuss Flag Submitted 1 min ago Chris Copywriting linkfishmedia.com Comments [...]

  2. [...] Someone Else Hold the Pen Julie Joyce of Link Fish Media recently let me write a copywriting guest post on her brand’s blog.  It’s much appreciated and allows my writing and brand to reach [...]

  3. [...] so, imagine my surprise when I popped on Twitter this morning to find people already tweeting the post!  Fucking bloody awesome!! (Lydon’s words, not mine J [...]

  4. Hmmm. I appreciate the sentiment expressed here, but I’ve read at least four posts like this in the last week. Few people in the industry are writing experts, so I think we need to spend less time pointing fingers and calling people out on their writing when we don’t have the credentials and more time praising good writing.

  5. julie says: - reply

    Hi Paige,

    Considering this is from May, I think he was ahead of the curve. Anthony is one of the best writers in the industry I think and this post was a bit more intentionally satirical than seems to be coming across.